Friday, 12 December 2014

The 12 Hours of the Christmas Office Party

Photo Credit: krameroneill via Compfight cc

12 women worrying 

If you can't find them - then you are probably one of them! In the bathroom, frantically picking at spots or asking around the office for some Spanx to borrow thanks to the dreaded belly bloat - you'd think you were headed out to The Oscars, not your local carvery followed by a Yates...

11 makeup tutorials

We all know we're going to go for the tried and tested red lippy with a swish of eyeliner but we'll still watch YouTube videos and convince ourselves that tonight is the night for a dramatic smokey eye. Fast forward to later this evening when you'll be frantically rubbing black eyeshadow from your face whilst the taxi beeps impatiently outside - just save yourself the hassle (and potential panda eyes)!

10 quid gifts

Secret Santa. The two words that strike fear into the heart of many an office worker. The night before work you'll run aimlessly around a Boots before it closes trying desperately to work out if Sarah from Marketing would prefer a bath cream gift set or a bath oil gift set. On the plus side, you get to watch as your more innocent colleagues blush at highly inappropriate gag gifts (then laugh as they make a reappearance later on in the night once everyone gets a bit merry!)

9 outfits hated

You chose it weeks ago, you know it looks good and you know it's the perfect combination of sexy and subtle but you'll still try on everything from your one formal gown to a Rudolph onesie. Still, once the outfit is on, the statement necklace you bought will suddenly look gaudy and your perfect clutch bag doesn't fit your roll-up flats. But no matter how amazing you totally look, you'll just wish that paying extra for ASOS Premier meant you received clothes instantly.

8 minutes late

Arriving fashionably late never goes out of style and it means that small talk with your boss won't be an unfortunate eventuality. However, everyone will probably think of the same plan so no matter how late you think you are, you'll almost always be first. Better get ready to talk about how bad the traffic to the venue was...

7 stomach grumbles

You've exhausted the supply of table snacks and that 'superfood salad' you promised yourself would be a healthy choice has just made you wish for even more goose fat potatoes. Now watch as those sat next to you receive their meals first and feel the intense jealousy that comes with choosing the least popular meal option. You'll almost eat the arm off the waiter when your meal arrives.

6 awkward chats

"Oh, so who did you come here with?" "Umm I'm actually blah blah from the blah department, I've been working here for five years" Make sure you have a decent knowledge of who works in your office and give everyone a quick hello or even a chat about their Christmas plans - you'll may even wonder why you never spoke to some of your colleagues before! (Or realise exactly why you never wanted to speak to some of them in the first place...) 

5 shots downed...

The food has been cleared, desserts devoured and now someone has promoted the entire staff from red wine to tequila shots. Get ready to head out to the nearest club/bar and have fun! But try to keep it together - especially around your Instagram-happy colleagues. 

4 mistletoe avoided 

The alcohol won't just convince everyone they can dance, they'll also think they're the master of seduction. Although you'll be quick to start a conga line away from every creeper that tries it on with you, just be sure that you don't do the same to your office crush! Monday morning but be a bit awkward after you've confessed your undying love to them and their cute dimples.

3 TMIs

Throughout the night you might make uncomfortable eye contact with the colleagues copping a feel on the dancefloor or you might have to hold back the hair of the intern that's had way too much. But, no matter what you saw (or how much of it you saw!) you're the perfect office party guest and will swear yourself to silence - and a few knowing glances across the office kitchen, of course...

2 regretted tweets

No-one needed to know how much you loved cute dimple guy in 140 characters. And now it's been retweeted by your friends and no amount of deleting will stop their joking on Monday. But, oh well, you tweeted that video of them trying to twerk whilst eating a doner kebab and that's worth a million "I love cute dimple guy" tweets.

And a trip in a warm taxi!

Phew! Full of turkey, tequila and late night curry chips, you are still feeling great - at least until tomorrow morning... Make sure you keep a big glass of water by the bed and a few ibuprofen (You'll thank us later!)

Tweet us @office_fruit and let us know how your office Christmas party went!

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