Wednesday, 11 February 2015

V.Day, Not To Be Confused With Doomsday.

Whether you love or loathe this particularly pink day of the year, we're counting down the hours until someone does, or does not... present us with chocolate, flowers and maybe a small bear. Forgive us for getting mildly excited about Valentine's Day but with so much going on in the world, a little lightheartedness is much needed - and it's heart shaped.


So here's the best game plan that we can provide to get you in the mood for lurrrrrve!

Get Ready

Got your eye on someone at work? Please don't send them a creepy email; it's most likely tracked and that lady in HR will pull you up on the inappropriateness... or kick back with a coffee if it's an interesting read? Anyway, pull them aside for what is looking to be a very interesting business conversation, and ask them if they'd like to go for a drink after work. 
  • They say no - Quickly clean your glasses lens and apologize that you have the wrong person. How ditzy of you!
  • They say yes - Quickly order a bouquet of flowers, a mass of romantic strawberries (we've got you) or visit the nearest newsagent for a cheeky card. Leave it on said special person's desk and wait for date night to arrive, where they can thank you for the anonymous gift; that isn't ever anonymous. 
  • They need convincing... see below chat up lines for full effect:
Chat Up Lines 
(NB: If you want to keep your dignity/job, we do not recommend using the below on your boss).

1.) Do you have any raisins? How about a date then?
If this fails try...
2.)  I bet your last name is Jacobs - because you’re a real cracker! 
If their face falls/looks blank try....
3.) If you were a bogey, I would pick you first. 
Okay, so they don't appreciate dirty humor, try...
4.) I thought I’d come over and say hello before you caught me staring.
Too flashy? Try... 
5.) Excuse me, you’ve got something on your face [look closer] oh, I think it’s beauty. [Attempt to rub it off] It won’t come off - It must be eternal....[look into the distance dreamily/moodily].
 Now, if they haven't fell in after 5 tries we suggest moving on because that was the best we've got.  

Nail it

Have you been in a relationship for a few years and have run out of things to get your partner? 1st year - chocolates, 2nd year - balloons and bear, 3rd year... champagne, 4th year... you're out of ideas.
We've asked around the office and come up with the below (note that we have not included sarky remarks about George Clooney or Emily Ratajkowski).

Gift ideas for Her: (There's not much time, we'll link you)
She has really expensive taste:
She loves a romantic:
She's judging you:

Gift ideas for Him:
He wants a nice meal:
He said that he doesn't want a present but: 
He's a romantic at heart:

You Are Your No.1 Fan

Buy yourself a present - Krispy Kreme ladybug donuts are sold separately, you know! Watch a soppy film and put on a natural yogurt, banana and strawberry face mask. 

Tweet us @office_fruit if you have some better chat up lines... (please!)

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